HIJRAH LOVE
Fear Within Me

After entering my beloved room, I immediately took a towel and headed to the bathroom to perform the ritual inside. And as always, it only takes fifteen minutes to perform the ritual. After that, I only dressed in a robe without wearing a hijab or a veil attached to my face.

"Mas, take a shower!"

I asked Yulian to clean her body immediately. After that, I waited for the adzan magrib while staring at the sunset from the balcony. It looks so beautiful that it was able to give the city of Medan its color that afternoon. And half an hour had finally passed, and not long after I heard the cry of the Adhan had been echoed melodiously. At that instant, I went back into the room and closed all the windows and curtains that adorned each window.

"Aisyah, if you still have ablution we better immediately do maghrib prayer." Invite Yulian while unfurling the prayer mat on the floor.

"Yes, Mas. I still have wudhu." I answered gently, then I immediately took the prayer mat with me.

Maghrib prayer I also run along with Yulian. And after three rakaat we. run together, do not forget to us to recognize by reading dhikr and then continue by reading the Quran. And I felt that the heaven in my palace had been perfectly created. The figure of the husband who guides me in the direction of the real heaven.

"Shodakallaahulazim." I also ended my reading.

After that, I closed the Holy Quran. Then, I kissed the back of Yulian's hand like a wife who keeps obedience to her husband. Likewise with Yulian, he kissed my forehead like a husband who does the obligation to take care of his wife. I felt the warmth return.

"What did you do after this, Aisha? It's impossible, right, if you want to cook?"

"Yes no, Mas. Emm, but what's so good about it?"

I rolled my eyes to think, and after a long time I remembered something. So I asked Yulian for permission to meet Arumi who was in the guest room. And so did Yulian who allowed my request. And before going to see Arumi, don't forget I'm wearing my syar'i hijab and its veil. Then, without Yulian's consent I gave him a kiss on his cheek, which made him feel surprised. Because he is too focused on his phone.

And from the end of the door that I had not closed tightly, Yulian was smiling, even stroking his cheek that I gave a kiss earlier. After that, I closed the door tightly and immediately met Arumi who was in her room.

"Tok, tock, tock." I knocked on the door slowly.

Not long after from behind the door Arumi opened it for me. And immediately he asked me to go into his room. A lot of things we discussed together, and that still covers Khadija. What I want to meet with him immediately. However, time is not on my side at the moment. So I have to be patient to wait until that time comes.

"Aisha, are you not afraid of what you have decided? Aren't you thinking about how Yulian feels?"

"Arumi, there's a lot I'm afraid of if I don't do all that. I just don't want the sadness to drag on in Yulian's life. Please, understand!"

"I'll try to understand, Aisha. I can only pray for you, may you be able to get through this." Arumi looked at me fixedly then, giving a hug as my reinforcement.

I stepped on my feet and approached Yulian without hearing the sound of the move. Then I looked at his tired face and felt tired. Which immediately made me think back about Arumi's question about my fear after the decision I made.

"You're right, Arumi. That fear suddenly enveloped me, where I felt afraid that I should see it with another. Moreover, feel the full love for me, then must be shared with other women. I don't think I can." I looked at Yulian's face.

That night, fear completely enveloped me. Even I was scared, before my death rather than seeing her happy with another woman. And that feeling mixed into one within me. It felt like I was screaming and begging God not to send me the angel of death before I saw Julian happy.

The tears that I was holding felt like I could not hold back anymore. So I put it in the bathroom. My tears were roaring, my memories of the good times with Yulian and also with the children I loved.

"Aisha, are you inside?"

Suddenly I heard Yulian's voice calling my name. At that moment I let out my tears, so that Yulian would not see it, my eyes that looked like mine immediately refreshed by washing them. Not too visible for a change in me. And in a slightly hoarse voice I replied.

"Yes, Mum." My yelling.

Not long after I opened the door and met Yulian, because he was still in front of the bathroom while standing at his feet. It made me feel surprised by what he was doing there.

"Mas Yulian, what do you want?"

"I'm waiting for you to come out. Because, I'd like to talk to you for a minute. You haven't gotten me, have you?"

"Not yet, Mom." I shook my head.

Yulian pulled me up and asked me to lay my body on the bed. And he followed me, and started a little chat with me while holding me in his arms. And it made me feel at ease in the warmth that I might not be able to feel again one day.

"If only I could change things so easily, like it was easy to turn the palm of the hand. I will definitely do this right now, so that I can still feel the warmth of your arms, can chat with you starting from the smallest things and there are still many things I want to do with you, Yulian. But, the truth is, I can't change the way I feel right now." I said in my heart while looking at Yulian from under her auspices.

"I think it's late at night, you should go to bed and rest." Yulian gently rubbed the tip of my crown.

"Emm .. Can I sleep in your arms like this, Mom?"

Yulian looked at me while expressing her face with a frown, as if she was harboring questions of my desire. But, he didn't question anything, and he just agreed to my request. And that night, the fear in me for a moment can be removed. Until I finally fell asleep.