SYAHDU (Contract Sleep Friends)
The Heavy Load of Syahdu

"No. It's because Oma and Aunt Julia are so beautiful." Said Syahdu who felt Shania was tricked by her brother.

"Huh. You know Mami too?"

Syahdu. "Know, dong."

"Talk inside. Let's go in first, yuk." Take Margaret.

The girl nodded, then took over the role of nurse to push Margaret's wheelchair into the house that had not changed much.

The girl continued to push the wheelchair towards the middle room. While Arga follows Shania who whines asking her brother to buy her a new crayon. Inevitably, Arga obeyed him.

"Shahdu.."

Margaret clasped the hand of the girl who was now sitting before her.

"Yes, Oma. Oma how are you?" Ask the girl while holding hands Margareth who is getting wrinkled. 7 years did not meet. Margaret still looked fresh and beautiful with her glasses perched on her nose.

"Oma's good. It has to keep going well so that Shania and Arga have a place to go." He answered with his little smile.

"You know, right, that Arga and his father are now like breaking up. Alex has not cared about anything that has happened to Arga since the boy broke off his engagement to Soraya."

Ja. Syahdu wants to know about that. Why was their engagement canceled?

"Oma don't know what really happened. But Arga also can't be contacted a few days after you leave. She's so stressed out because you're lost without saying goodbye."

Again, Syahdu bowed. Did Arga cancel the engagement because of her? No need to doubt anymore. Syahdu can now see how much Arga feels about him. But not happy, Syahdu actually felt heavy. Whenever her feelings rippled for Arga, she always remembered Wicak and how evil he was to the man who loved her so much.

"Shahdu.. Arga sacrificed his future to find you. Everything he does right now is you. And Oma heard that she's going to quit the entertainment world because you came back. Thank you, son. Thank you so much for coming back for Arga."

Syahdu did not dare to look at Margaret while he was still on the verge of confusion. For some reason, the guilt was so great for Wicak. Why would he feel so bad about accepting Arga? At that time Wicak came and beat up Arga, to say that he wanted to receive Syahdu back. Wicak did not want Syahdu to leave him. But.. A sense of betrayal, the relationship between him and Arga that hated Wicak was actually developed and maintained until now. Disappearing and not opening the heart for 7 years in fact does not make Syahdu better. Then, what should he do now?

...~...

Syahdu stands on the balcony of Arga's apartment. At 3 am, and very cold air was attached to his skin.

Arga, the man is still sleeping deep. Only Syahdu is awake. He woke up because he again dreamed of Wicak and the unpleasant feeling came back. The burden grew heavier as he recalled Margaret's request to him and at this time he was sure that no one could understand what he was feeling.

Syahdu, throughout his life continued to feel guilty to Wicak. He ran away because he didn't want to be happy in this town. He wanted to be in the village that Wicak suggested as a sign that he respected Wicak's choice even though the man was gone.

Syahdu breathes the night air. He closed his eyes, recalling his original purpose of returning, was to straighten out what he should have said so that Arga would stop expecting him back in his life. That's. But why is it different now? He opened the door of his heart and obeyed all the words of Arga.

Syahdu opened his hand. Balcony lamp light makes the ring eyes glow. For 7 years he kept Arga's gift ring and this time he took it to return it to the man. Syahdu took a long breath. He had to speed up his return.

Tomorrow, he'll come back and explain everything to Arga. Nani has also become more important now. Syahdu no longer has parents, and Nani is a woman who will accept it unconditionally. Syahdu had promised in his heart to devote himself to Nani if the woman was already unable to take care of herself.

"You're here. I'm looking everywhere.." Arga's voice sounded heavy in Syahdu's ears. The man's hand hugged his waist, making Syahdu close his eyes. Warm, he likes it.

"Why here? It's cold.." Said Arga again. I wanted Syahdu to return his embrace, but the girl chose to turn her body. He stared fixedly at my eyes that still looked sleepy. He wants to talk seriously.

"Ga.."

"Yes?" Arga stroking soft cheek Syahdu. He knew there was something the girl wanted to talk to him about.

"You..no why did I suddenly come?"

Arga smiled slightly, then shook his head. "I can describe how you feel about me. That's enough." He replied in a very soft tone, making Syahdu throw his face away. Why is Arga so easy to read his mind and heart, even long ago.

Arga silently looked at him. The man began to feel that something was wrong with the direction of the conversation this time.

"I'm coming, not to come back with you. But.." Syahdu grabbed Arga's hand, then placed the ring on it.

"I want you to be free from the shackles that bind you because of impossible feelings." Syahdu said trying to toughen up without dropping his tears.

Arga's eyebrows blend together. "No way? no way what? You why?"

"I can't be with you, Arga. Whenever we are together, my memories always lead to Wicak. I always remember him and my guilt comes up. I can't.."

"Shahdu.." Arga again cupped Syahdu's face with both hands. His pleading gaze was seen again. This time, he did not want to lose Syahdu.

"Please don't gini. We're talking all right, yeah. Let's go in first.." Arga pulled Syahdu's hand to enter, but Syahdu held him back.

"Tomorrow I'll come back, Ga."

Arga unmoving. Syahdu wanted to leave again and it made him feel like he could not breathe. He just felt happy.

"I just came here to say that I can't do everything with you. You have to move and go back to kayak first, like what you wrote on the contract!"

Arga was silent. His brain stopped thinking. All he saw at this moment was the sad face of Syahdu which then flowed tears. Syahdu was not serious about his words, he knew that.

"Shahdu. Be stuck. Let's forget the past. You don't need to feel guilty. Wicak doesn't exist either. Don't you want to be happy?"

"I've been happy all along, Ga."

"You can't be happy if you look back. I see you happy here, Syahdu." Arga looked into his eyes fixedly.

"High eyes you can't lie. First we meet, I can see you're happy. Yeah, right?"

Syahdu lowered Arga's hand from his face. "Every day I feel guilty, Ga. I don't know why I'm rich. I don't know. But I can't.every one of us together I remember Wicak. I've been evil, betrayed him."

"The lizard is the past of shahdu. What matters is now!" Arga resuscitated Syahdu.

Syahdu wants to talk but his tongue feels funny. Yes, he knows it's the past but unfortunately the past is still firmly attached to his life. He knows, maybe this is a curse because he has betrayed Wicak's sincere love for him. Or maybe this is a request from the Lord to keep his heart on Wicak even until the man died.

As Wicak once said, if Syahdu had died first, he would not have married anyone because his heart was buried with Syahdu.

And now, the feeling of guilt towards Wicak is more overpowering. This is crazy indeed, because Syahdu himself has long given up on his life. He will obey whatever makes him no longer remember the painful past. If being with Arga also makes him still suffer, he won't want to live it.

"Shahdu, don't go.." Arga's voice began to wave. He begged Syahdu not to leave him again.

"Why did you sacrifice yourself, Syahdu. I'm sure, there Wicak also won't like to see you rich gini."

Wicak, why did that name come out of Arga's mouth at this moment.

Syahdu. He just wanted to die because he was tired of guilt and other feelings that arise and did not want to disappear.

"You won't understand, Ga. You won't understand what I've been thinking all along."

Arga grabbed Syahdu's hand, "There's only one you have to clear, Syahdu. One thing you need to be clear about. About how you feel about me."

"What's in it? Huh huh? I'm going crazy because of all this. You too I'm not necessarily happy, right? I remember Wicak now. I can't. I can't, Ga!" Firmly Syahdu on the silent Arga.

"Udahlah, Ga. We can't be together, because from the beginning our relationship was wrong. I now accept my Karmaku. So after this, stop mentioning me in all your songs." Said Syahdu, stepping in leaving Arga who was still silent there.