SYAHDU (Contract Sleep Friends)
Confession and Honesty Syahdu

The clanking sound of the clock on the wall fills the silence of the night. The silence and silence of the house seemed to indicate that in the house it was in mourning.

Syahdu lay on his side on the bed. He glanced at the clock, it was already 11 o'clock passing by as he heard the sound of the Wicak motor from the front. Then the door opened and closed again.

Syahdu closed his eyes. Since then he could not sleep because he thought word for word that he would say to Wicak. He will be honest about what he has been doing to the man who will marry him.

"Shahdu.." The soft voice of Wicak and the small shocks on his arm made the girl open her eyes.

"I brought food. Have you eaten yet?"

Syahdu looked back, looking at Wicak who was already sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Udah." The girl replied lying. Since then he has not eaten except for a few mouthfuls of Arga cuisine.

"Yes, I'll save it for tomorrow, yeah." He said with a warm smile.

"Sister."

"Hm?"

"Someone wants me to talk."

"Later, yeah. I take a shower first. The smell of sweat." The man gave a brief peek at Syahdu's forehead and then stepped towards the bathroom, while Syahdu waited for Wicak with an erratic feeling. His hands began to tremble just by imagining a sentence that would strike Wicak's heart later.

After a few minutes, Wicak entered Syahdu's room. The man's masculine fragrance was inhaled in his nose.

"What did you say?" Ask Wicak. He climbed on the bed, tilted his body to face Syahdu.

Drizzle, it's raining outside and it's almost midnight. A great time to just talk to your partner. But this conversation is not something fun to talk about.

"Can you hug?" Pinta Syahdu with a choked voice. Tears had already flowed and Wicak directly pulled her in an embrace. Syahdu sobbed on Wicak's chest. The man patiently stroked Syahdu, calming the girl who later did not want to eat, pensive and crying all of a sudden. It must be heavy, Wicak understands that. And that's why he wants to continue to exist beside Syahdu.

After a while Syahdu cried, he started to vent his voice without looking at Wicak. Both of his hands tightly hugged the man as if he did not want to part.

"Sister."

"Hm.."

Syahdu was silent for a while, regulating the pounding in the heart that made his entire body tremble.

"I'm..." Syahdu closed his eyes firmly, trying as much as possible to get out his first sentence.

"What do you want to say, Syahdu? Why hide that face." Wicak asked while shuffling the hair of the girl in his arms.

Syahdu tightened his embrace. He was afraid that the man would leave him too.

"Sister, I'm not a virgin." Syahdu pinched his lips. He could feel the Wicak elusan in his head coming to a halt.

"I can't keep the honor." Continue Syahdu with his voice.

Silent. There was no sound except a shahdu sob on Wicak's chest.

The man did not move. He was silent because suddenly his memory returned at the hospital that time.

"Maybe because you fell. Don't question that." Wicak replied with a heavy voice. He doesn't want to talk about this.

Syahdu grew sobbing at Wicak's answer. Did he just stop his sentence with Wicak's thoughts as they are today? That way Wicak will continue to be beside him, of course. But, there is guilt in him if he does not say honestly even though Arga once said, something like this he does not need to do.

"I'm. I'm having sex for grandma's treatment." Imbuh Syahdu again with a disjointed voice.

Wicak. Hearing Syahdu's statement made his body like it was hit by large rocks. His chest felt tight and difficult to breathe. Did Syahdu say this with seriousness, or jokingly test his heart?

"I'm sorry, brother. I hurt my sister. I did it because I had to. hiks.."

Wicak's eyes ached when he realized that what came out of Syahdu's mouth today was a seriousness.

Wicak was not silent, he reprimanded the nurses for daring to slander Syahdu, although frankly his heart was not calm at that time.

He believed in Syahdu, but not the man. He believed it when Syahdu said that the man helped him because of friendship. But now, Wicak must swallow the bitter fact that it is impossible for the man to help Syahdu without reward. But, Wicak needs to make sure of that. Is that guy Arga, or anybody else.

"Who's the man." Tanya Wicak with heavy breath.

Syahdu did not want to tell him. He was very afraid that Wicak would leave him. Moreover, the man was once jealous of Arga.

"Sister.I.m.t tell brother about this disgrace because of my trust in brother." Syahdu could feel Wicak's stiffening body. Even the man's heart can feel very clearly now.

"Shahdu." Wicak pulled his shoulder, wanted to let go of the hug but the girl held back the strong embrace, not wanting Wicak to leave from him.

"Listen to me until it's over, brother. After that make a decision because I've resigned." His rubbing on Wicak, the more he held firmly the man's clothes.

Hearing that, Wick stopped. He took a heavy breath. It seemed he could not imagine what Syahdu had been doing behind him. So much trust that he gave, but Syahdu gave sorrow to his heart.

"That time my grandmother was dying and I didn't have money for my grandmother's surgery. I. hiks. I don't know where to get hundreds of millions of dollars from."

The girl sobbed, while Wicak did not make a sound.

"I know I'm wrong, I'm stupid, I don't think about my brother's feelings but I'm tormented." Syahdu stopped, his heartache appeared when he did not hear any reaction from Wicak. Her crying is breaking.

"I'm forced. If I do, I will lose my grandmother. I'm sorry, brother. I hurt my sister."

A hiccup of Shahdu made it difficult for him to continue his sentence, but he had to say it.

"Every day I feel guilty, I feel like I'm the worst person. That's why I'm sincere if my brother leaves me. I understand very well, I understand."

Wicak's tears flowed through his nose. Syahdu's explanation is certainly not easy to accept. His feelings were destroyed by Syahdu who for years he kept his honor. How hard he kept Syahdu, even himself resisted his desires. But the girl...

"I don't mean sister to take me. I'd be sincere if you wanted to go and leave me, because it was my fault. But please, just accompany me this once. Stay here until morning."

Wicak's clothes are wet because of Syahdu's tears that have no stop.

"I'm self-conscious.I understand that big brother left. I gotcha..." Lirih Syahdu in the middle of his stuffing.

The night was cold and gripping. Syahdu did not let go of his embrace for a second. Wicak was also unable to speak anymore. Hearing Syahdu sell himself for his grandmother's treatment is certainly not something small to be accepted. Moreover, Suriani eventually died and all left a black stain.

Wicak stayed up all night still in the same position. He's been like a fool all along. Syahdu, the only container in which he poured great love, apparently did not consider it valuable.

Slowly he put away the sleeping hands of Syahdu. The clock shows at 4 am. Wicak sat staring at the face of the woman he loved. No, the woman had just inflicted a very deep wound on him. Very deep.

Wicak out of Syahdu contract. He went home leaving the girl alone, forgetting the promises he made. However, Wicak's mind never reached Syahdu touched by other men.

It is difficult to understand his current condition. He could not imagine how Syahdu easily slept with other men, how long had he done that, how many times, where, and since when?

Unanswered, he could not even listen to her because his heart was too sick.

In the cold of dawn, Wicak rode his motorcycle in tears that he could not stop. A sharp thorn is stuck into the deepest recesses of the heart, by the person he loves the most.

~

The sound of birds squeaking makes Syahdu wake up. The moment his eyes opened, his memories instantly caught on about the incident last night. Syahdu immediately cried, he buried his face on the pillow when he realized there was no Wicak next to him.

He released a scream when he found out that not only Suriani, but Wicak also left.

Yeah, something he should accept. Although he had stressed in his heart to accept whatever the decision of Wicak. But in reality, he wasn't really ready to lose the only love left for her.

TB

'The person who has the greatest chance of hurting us is the person we care about the most.'