Hating Love
My Grief

I've loved someone but he and I were not meant to be together.

He and I are separated by distance and time, many things we have been through together, but fate still separates us.

From that moment on I began to surrender all my business to God the creator of nature, I no longer cared who, where, how, why, and what I was with him for.

What I'm worried about is being able to survive until I'm met with him.

Sometimes I feel tired of everything that happens but I continue to be patient and think that all the plans that I have done are not comparable to the plan of God who created me, it is my destiny that makes me live more than others with my special self and different from others.

I thank God for creating me, making me feel so many new things, making me a special human being that many people are jealous of my life.

O my Lord, I thank you for creating me between heaven and earth on the ground with Water as the source of life.

Thank you God for making me feel alone in a deep crowd and loneliness.

God, thank you for the test you gave me that made me more mature.

Lord I apologize, I apologize for the mistakes I have made in this life, in the past life and in the future life.

I don't know and don't understand how I've survived to this point but I'm really grateful that you've let me survive to this point making me a strong human being with thousands of privileges that make many people envious when they see me but what power, I who just stand still expect to be understood by someone but no one can understand me.

To the people I've known, I thank you for teaching me so much and I want to apologize for my attitude and nature that might hurt you.

If any of my words are wrong please forgive, if any of my actions hurt you unintentionally or intentionally please understand because I am not an angel, not a prophet or an apostle who is really devoted to doing good.

I am here to be tempted by the devil and sometimes I am tempted not sometimes but not infrequently I escape in a difficulty in a darkness that makes me want to survive but reluctant to fight.

I don't know what I'm going through like I have to admit a lot of things happened before I was here and after I was here.

God please help me not to leave me alone again, just a moment where I'm not appreciated it makes me really hurt.

Lord I ask of you.

Keep him so he doesn't get hurt and doesn't feel the pain I feel.

I don't want the second me to be enough, only I don't let them get hurt until they feel what I'm suffering.

I say goodbye to this world to those who have lived, to the man who once made me suffer and made me laugh again in the sorrow of love in the likes and feelings buried in the chest I thank you for the presence of you who once filled the empty space inside my heart is quite up here I'm talking about you.

Forgive me for all the wrongs I have done I take a break from a life in which I am not valued.