Hating Love
Memories

A thing I remember and may not forget because of the pain and the lessons that were in it.

Among them :

When the age of ± 6 years left alone on the swing to fall head first which causes fear if riding the swing.

When the age of ± 9 years bullied because too close to a male friend.

At the age of ± 11 years father died more precisely 6 days after my birthday and at that time I asked to celebrate the birthday and he asked mom to make a banana sponge cake. I took it as my last wish and from then on I did not like my own birthday but I always wanted a gift even without celebration.

When the age of ± stepped on 12 years left alone when I had to do group tasks and at that time I started to feel no friends but there was someone (men) who finally wanted to group with me but unfortunately right now my relationship with him is broken.

At the age of ± 12 years betrayed and bullied by a person named friend (woman). As a result, I began not to believe in a relationship.

At the age of ± 13 years because my eyes are round (blo) and rarely look when looking more often just rely on the tail of the eye then in my upperclassman said "what if it's a pierced eye with a dagger..." At that time the result received was the birth of a cruel soul and slumped in the heart because it was always judged wrong in his eyes.

One year later I was curious about the so-called courtship in the "real non-visual" world" and it just so happened that there was an upperclassman who expressed his feelings that I was trying to open my heart even though the person I liked was not him but I was trying my best for him but what I received was that I was betrayed by him who's in a relationship with my underclassman. Right now my trust in a relationship is declining.

Shortly after that I was close again to the older brother of my classmate whose stature is a bit fat and can be said to be the same as my ex, then I was often ridiculed if I liked fat men.

After and before all that happened I was a bad boy. Wh why? I did go to school in Madrasah but maybe everyone also knows everyone has been naughty. At that time I often after school go straight home and then go straight to play again until the time of going home is the prayer time because we play too long and also I ride a motorcycle. Actually I had been called by my mother and my brothers to go home but I who was the three bells could not go home because one of us was waiting for someone until the moment people it came in the afternoon that forced me to go home the night with my mother and sisters who called made me feel uncomfortable until when driving a vehicle in a hurry on a less good road and also a derivative steep made me fall with my two friends strangely one of us was not injured but I was driving it was quite badly injured until my knee was bleeding and also blisters coupled with a scuffed motor body because it was scratched.

Not one or two times I fell down while playing until the night ever also because I was not allowed to go and I forced to go to play when I came home I fell from the motorcycle to the glass mika long distance lights my bike broke. Don't ask me about myself because I'm sure I'm hurt pretty bad not just blisters or bloody this even makes my pants hollow because of the collision between bones and stones in the street.

Never once also because it intends to save gasoline when driving until the engine is turned off and accidentally screw me anyway papa just a friend who I screwed his legs exposed to exhaust and caused burns so I who happened to want to go to school was forced to send him back first and then back to school even though late and told the maple teacher that he was sick and many more events occurred during my time in Madrasah even until I was ridiculed, said to like someone because when playing I did not bring my own bike and bonceng by a male friend but he rode his motorcycle with a speed above 120km/the clock that makes me unconsciously hold her tightly for fear of falling while I usually never hug someone while driving because when I was a child I was invited to walk by my brother but I was not allowed to hug him because he said he was stuffy and he told me to hold on to his jacket from then on until now if I didn't have to or I never hugged him.

There's nothing special since I decided to start not believing in a relationship because I made it all like it never happened but there's one thing that still sticks in my mind and being an or something that still asks for an explanation and wants to avenge it is when I said I got help from the government but because I have paid the payment of the teacher concerned talking something that makes my mother cry and it's still something I really want to make clear because it's ruining a good thing that I'm doing until I want to kill it and even give it poison unfortunately there's a friend who's holding it and to this day I still have not reciprocated and that has become a goal that requires future investigation.

One time when I was telling a friend about me not believing in a relationship, he said that "i've felt that too but I keep trying to believe even though again and again betrayed..." Then I asked back, "why are you so good?" He replied, "Because I believe God has many ways to make us happy." he said that makes me feel touched also think that trying to come back was not wrong.

I chose one person to be the beginning where I trusted someone back. He's my friend, we're close enough that we're also one place of work even though our calls aren't on the same day. At first he and I thought we were going to work separately, but God brought us back together, I don't know since then I started to believe in God's destiny after a long time I was lost...

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