Hating Love
I'm Not Herself

I know I'm not comparable to him.

And I understand that everything I do is nothing to you.

I'm the one you always blame.

I know I can't be counted on but have you ever thought how hard I tried to be the best for you and them?

I always blame you. I always compare. I you made the impingement.

Is this called destiny? Or some kind of unreliable feeling?

Am I that bad? Until you keep hurting my little heart?

I know I'm not a good person but I also sometimes want to feel the warmth.

What is love that always hurts the heart.

Is this what we call brotherly bonding?

Sometimes I envy an outsider who you consider your sister. You treat him special while I?

I'm too arrogant, selfish, grumpy and insignificant in your story. I'm not the main role here but just a replacement role. I understand that I'm a nobody so you can't count on me for now.

I hope you can wait for me to succeed in doing what I haven't done. Although I don't know when I'll meet my soul mate in terms of work, money, health and everything else.

I am still a burden to you and I continue to make you suffer.

I'm a nobody. I was the lead role in my story only not yours.

Maybe we didn't know each other very well from the beginning because we came up with different paths, different lives.

You live in hard circumstances but with love while I am present and live in a state of luxury but without love.

Because their love is shown more to you than to me is not shown.

Other than the Creator and myself does anyone know me well?

Isn't it obvious there isn't?! Don't ask the parents. Didn't they say they knew what was best for their child when it was best for themselves.

If it is best for us shouldn't we ask and know our opinion?!

Live in the desire of others, never choose because every choice I choose you always blame.

I know my presence may be only complementary and I am hope but do I need to constantly live like this?

I was alive but I was actually dead.

I am tired of sometimes thinking of giving up but I do not want my sacrifice all this time to be in vain if I give up at this time.

To get here I have endured many of the pains of humiliation, abuse and brokenness of hundreds of people.

Sometimes they come to praise me but they actually need my help.

I'm too confident maybe that's what you think but it's real those who come to me just need help but sometimes when I'm trying to wait they don't want to and prefer to leave I'm in the dark.

Being alone is not an option but by myself I know that sometimes I need to be independent. I need to learn not to expect others. I need to be myself.

Good morning and good luck to myself who doesn't want to think about anyone else.

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