Getting Married Due to Misunderstanding
20. Heartbroken

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You can imagine how I feel now. Shabiya, my closest friend compared to Azura and Hafizha. I know very well how Shabiya is from A to Z. I know what Shabiya is like. I know him like a blood brother. As well as Shabiya, she knows everything about me except my family. Because I hid all my identities, even to this day I am still steadfast in my own principles. Problem is only one, I liked Deva from the beginning of entering Junior High School. I thought it was just monkey love. But it turned out to be real love. Stupidly I have endured that feeling until now. 

I'm also pretty close to his cousin Deva's brother to date. I still have frequent contact with Aniya. And the most painful thing is, after performing the prayer I checked my phone. When I opened the whatsapp story, Kak Aniya posted a photo, seen Kak Aniya posting a photo of Deva and her partner's engagement. The surprise wasn't over there. The most surprising thing is, the person Deva is asking for is Shabiya. Without me being clear who Shabiya is. 

That's right, Shabiya is my best friend who I consider to be my own brother, who is currently officially a Deva couple. I just felt an incredible heartbreak. Likes someone and is very close to his family but Deva proposes to Shabiya. The pain was a double kill. Her mother Deva gave me my blessing. Again because all this opens up my destiny. I deliberately did not date other than because of religion as well because I kept my feelings for Deva. Even if he doesn't like me. But we have quite a good relationship. 

I immediately took a deep breath. Then I took it out slowly. I made sure to come back if I saw wrong. But I'm not actually dreaming. Really, it hurts. Just yesterday I met Deva after four years of not meeting. 

There was a longing that I had just let go of for years. And when I met I really felt very happy. I always overreact. God did not like my actions very much.  Just yesterday there was hope of getting it. It turns out we're not fools. I really felt tightness in my chest. Then, I felt my tears falling uncontrollably. I'm really stupid, I should know who the man that Shabiya often told me about. I shouldn't know too much about their relationship. I should never have known about Deva's good. Argh .. everything is only if it never changes anything. I can only cry. 

Shabiya also contacted me through all social media.  But I didn't respond to it at all. Why is it so painful? I drank mineral water to stretch out my nose which suddenly felt clogged. I also cried not too long.  At the end of the day, compassion is present in my heart. I shifted the green panel and the call went on. 

"Hello Biya, assalamualaikum, what's wrong?" my many. To be honest, I'm not ready to accept what happened. Pretending to be okay only hurts yourself. 

"Congratulations Biya, I'm happy for you." I said a lie. The mouth speaks happily, but not to my heart. I haven't been able to accept it because everything that's happening is coming all of a sudden. Even Shabiya did not tell him that he would be proposed. Actually my voice is hoarse. For two hours I cried. Even my eyes are puffy. 

"thank you. You're crying out? your voice is crying out. What's up, Al?" tanyanya was so anxious. I laughed insipidly, laughing at my stupidity of loving someone too deeply, when I knew he was nobody.

"There was nothing, I just had a cold. Congratulations again." I said I was still lying. This advantage of mine really saved me this time. I can always use the part mask whenever the time is, even if the situation is not fine. Since childhood I have been trained and used to laugh with painful things. Especially something hurt me.

"If there's anything to say, yes!" said. I agree with his words. But I won't. I don't want to destroy my own best friend's happiness, even if my heart wants to have the love I have. 

"Hm, yes, I'm a laper." I said, I had eaten. Lying is not good. But lying to avoid conversations that made me feel bad seemed forgivable. May God forgive my lies this time. Then the grill stopped there. I still feel like my chest is really hurting. Really, it's a feeling I've never felt before. My tears again shed tears. 

Whatever I do, I must be patient and willing. Since Deva is not my soul mate, she is not part of my destiny.  As Sayyidina Umar bin Khattab said, what is your destiny will not miss you. What is not your destiny will surely miss you. 

"Make patience and prayer your help. And indeed it is hard, except for those who are solemn, (i.e.,) those who believe that they will meet their Lord, and that they will return to Him. (QS Al Baqara:45-46