DISPUTE OF HEART
Have Decided

The atmosphere was quite calm and quiet when the four pairs of neutrals were still looking at each other with doubtful gazes, occasionally two of them fixed their seats, steadying their hearts for a certainty. 

“Om thought Nak Asha already knew for sure about our arrival to meet Nak Asha” the voice of an old man began to break the silence that had only been silent in tension. 

“Ya Om, Asha understands” Asha nodded steadily. 

Abhimanyu and his mother just silently pensively, they silently waited for Asha's next speech. 

Indeed, Abhimanyu had little understanding of what Asha's decision was through his speech the other day, but because their relationship had involved both parents, Abhimanyu felt he had to bring his parents back to make sure, however Abhimanyu wants to be mature and professional. 

So far Abhimanyu has struggled a lot to get Asha, working hard with Asha's intentions in his heart, half of his heart has been adrift for a long time to the sweet girl in front of him, how could Abhimanyu's struggle just stop?.

“Om think Om has given a lot of time to Nak Asha to think and break Nak Asha's relationship with Abi, so Om hope now Nak Asha has found the answer, all good things are not good if you have to continue to be delayed, is it Nak Asha?” Abhimanyu's father looked at Asha expectantly, this was the heart expression of a Father wishing the best for his son, Asha was a little envious of the warmth of the Abim family, supporting each other, encouraging each other. Ah ... Asha really can't understand her own heart, why should it be this self?. 

“Thank you very much for the many times that Om and Abim have given Asha, honestly Asha is very moved, Asha is very happy when there are people who want to sincerely accept Asha with all the shortcomings of Asha, Asha who is far from this good word, suddenly got a proposal from the Om family that is so good, warm, and wise, Asha is really happy Om, but ..”

Asha's next words were a determination for their relationship, Abim was only able to hold his breath in such a way. 

“Asha sure, Abim can get much better women than Asha”

As soon as Abim's body really weakened, the long struggle that he did, but had to end in vain, now Abim regretted why he had intended all the changes that happened to his life should be for the sake of Asha? Now Abim understood that if the hope in man would only bring disappointment, Abim regretted not intending to change his life for the sake of his Lord, so that Abim was not this disappointed, was not God all good? Abim kept on stirring in his heart. No longer able to accept such a painful rejection from Asha. His heart was so disappointed. 

“We understand the words of Nak Asha” Father to hold his head repeatedly, his face implied a very significant disappointment, as well as Mother, his face looks sad, however the rejection of Asha is the thing that makes him hurt. 

“Can't be considered again?” it was a request from Mother's voice, however the old woman already loved Asha and was willing to accept Asha with all her flaws. 

“Sorry, but Asha felt unworthy for a man as good as Abim” Asha shook her head, her heart choked, Abim is a good man, He deserves a much better woman. 

“I will accept you as Sha” is a desperate tone that comes from the mouth of Abhimanyu who had just been silent. 

Asha shook her head, Asha might have accepted Abim, but deep down, Asha was not sure if Abhimanyu would accept the other side of Asha's life, Asha who had a mental disorder, and she was not, will Abim be able to accept Asha who, if Asha relapses, will rampage and even nearly obliterate his own soul? Asha is not sure there will be a man who will accept his shortcomings until he gets there. 

“You are a good man, the most sincere man I have ever known Bim, live happily with a companion who can make you happy, a woman who can love you for who you are, a woman who can accept you, because you are the good-natured Abhimanyu” Asha smiled wistfully. 

Abim endured all the sadness of his heart, the man was unable to speak anymore, only able to nod while holding back tears.

“I hope you're happy Bim” Asha is back. 

Abim knew, Abim understood, Asha belongs to Allah, no matter how much Abim asks Asha to stay by his side, but if Allah does not want, then Abim can what?. 

That night was the last night of the meeting of Asha and the Abim family officially, in fact there was nothing to hold in their hearts, all sincere and willing to try to accept the reality that existed, although honestly difficult, yet they all tried hard. Since the heart is no longer able to share, sincere when the heart is no longer reciprocated, sincere because it is the only way that can make their hearts become so relieved. 

*** 

Asha entered his magnificent house during his return to Indonesia, Asha went around, then looked at every corner of the room that felt empty and silent, no laughter, jokes, and no laughter, or even just a sound. 

Bi Inah has been replaced with another ART, a new ART that may not be as understanding as Bi Inah, but the middle-aged woman Bi Inah's replacement is still just as good, Asha is grateful for that one thing, Asha is always found with very good people. 

Asha's hand touched every item she passed, closing her eyes, Asha's mind drifted on the beautiful things that she dreamed of, but her mind collided with the past that Asha had been so hard to forget, the bad shadow always comes especially when Asha is alone. Asha's body trembled slightly, trying to control herself, the previous tension of rejecting Abhimanyu's proposal made Asha's body shiver.

Her net opened again, the corner of her lips slightly raised when staring at a picture frame printed large on the wall of the family room, Asha's eyes glazed, Asha knew this longing would only be her own. 

“Mamah, Papah .. Asha's decision today is correct right?”

“Asha did not want to make Abim scared because of Asha's attitude that could have changed”

“Asha also don't want to burden anyone anymore”

“Asha wants to heal total Mah, Pah”

“To be honest, Asha is afraid of being alone, but Asha also can't do anything else, Asha is afraid ..”

Asha's body rumbled on the floor, her cries breaking instantly, Asha's screams were heard breaking her sun at night in a stately house. His hand hit his chest that felt tight, Asha knew now her life would really be alone, spending time alone was really not an easy thing, but this was Asha with all her decisions. 

Asha has decided, will straighten out the dispute in her heart by deciding if she will continue her life alone.