DISPUTE OF HEART
Sometimes, We Forget

Asha circulated the view around him, the white-painted room was rarely visited lately, because indeed Asha felt unnecessary, he said, even though the doctor was so diligent to warn Asha to keep visiting. 

As she was about to pass through this room, Asha saw some people who might be almost as mentally disturbed as she was, many of them were walking with blank stares, or smiling but empty, or just plain, Asha chose to stare straight past them all, for Asha to see them like seeing a shadow of herself a few years ago, maybe that was also why Asha hated to come back to this place. Actually, Asha could have called the doctor who handled it to come to his house like before, but this time Asha prefers to come alone, taking the time to tell the stuff that stuck in her heart. 

“Gendis said, I should be able to love myself, but I never know how, because I have tried to do many things that make me happy before, but in fact it even makes me and the people around me more suffering again” Asha started his speech, looking at the middle-aged doctor in front of him, as usual the doctor can only smile, just smile, before answering Asha's curiosity. 

“Gendis right, Asha must love herself before loving and loving others” the doctor nods his head. 

“But how? I'm still confused what to do for myself?” Asha asked again with a confused look. 

“Treat yourself Asha as a person who wants Asha please” 

Asha was flabbergasted looking at the doctor who was also looking at her gently, Asha thought it might be possible that the doctor would say ‘Treat yourself like a queen, in order for you to be treated by others as well as so’ that Asha often heard from every motivator in the video that Asha often watched. 

“What do you mean doctor?” Asha asked back. 

“What will Asha do when Asha sees Gendis crying because she has many problems?” ask the doctor then, make Asha immediately answer without thinking first. 

“I will give the best solution to Gendis, I will also try my hardest to make Gendis happy and cheerful” Asha said excitedly, making the doctor smile. 

“What will Asha do when seeing Bi Inah sick?” the doctor asked again with a smile on his face. 

“Of course I will bring Bi Inah to treatment, give Bi Inah the best medicine and treatment so that Bi Inah will recover” again Asha replied without thinking first. 

“Why does Asha have to do all that?” ask the doctor later. 

“Because Asha loved them so much, Asha's” answered with excitement. 

“Then why did Asha not do the same to Asha herself?”

Silent

Asha was silent for a moment, thinking about what the doctor said just now. 

“Love yourself Asha herself, just as when Asha was eager to make the life of Asha's loved ones even better, just like when she was passionate about making the life of Asha's loved ones better, in the face of this earth there will be no one who can take care of Asha for twenty-four full hours other than Asha herself, if not Asha herself, then who else?” 

Asha went back into silence, it was true what her doctor said, now that Asha understood what Asha had to do.

“Asha has been in this comfort zone for too long, this is not good, Asha is hiding too long, Asha should be able to fight against Asha herself, force her to get used to it! Push yourself Asha so that Asha can do what Asha's heart wants” doctor gives a spirit that contains a lot of spirit energy for Asha, all this time the doctor has always been gentle and kind, not forcing anything that makes Asha hurt or uncomfortable, for the first time the doctor pushed Asha in such a way, when noticed now the mental Asha was much stronger than before. 

“Now Asha understands not what Asha should do?” the doctor smiled, his hand wrote something and then thrust it at Asha. 

Asha nodded confidently “Asha understood” for the first time the girl no longer asked or denied, received the paper and then read it at a glance, but her eyes were again glued, when reading the writing, he said, it was not the recipe writing as usual, but it was the writing that made Asha become moved by herself. 

“doctor, thank you” Asha woke up then stood up and spread her arms, hugging the doctor with a sobbing that broke. 

*** 

“Wah ... What is Non?” Bi Inah enthusiastically received many food parcels from Asha, the old woman smiled with sparkling eyes. 

“All of this favorite food Bibi” replied Asha with no less enthusiasm. 

“Thank you very much Non” Bi Inah started to feed her favorite food with joy. 

“Thank you Bi, have been sincerely beside Asha” Asha stroking Bi Inah's hand, for others maybe Bi Inah is only a household assistant, but for Asha Bi Inah more than that, almost half of his life Bi Inah dedicated to caring for Asha, from Asha small to Asha as mature now. 

Bi Inah kept the food back, it was felt that his heart felt something stuck when he saw the current attitude of Asha. 

“Aibi loves Non Asha” very much 

“I know, thank you very much for that, Asha is also very dear to Bibi, Bibi has been by Asha's side for a long time, taking care of Asha sincerely, taking care of Asha, now it was time that Asha who cared for Bibi” Asha lowered her head. 

Bi Inah's age is now in the range of sixty years, it has been too long Asha thought about this, making people around him including Bi Inah to make him happy, happy in the real sense. 

“What does Non Asha mean?” Bi Inah looked at Asha who looked claustrophobic when she wanted to continue her next words. 

“Asha wants Bibi to be happy in her twilight years Bibi” Asha bows her head, it is hard for Asha to say so. Bi Inah was still silent. 

“Asha wants Bibi to come home, reunite with Aunt's family, Aunt's grandchildren, spend the rest of Aunt's life with them, not with Asha, he said, they also deserve to be happy with Mother and grandmother” Asha grabbed Bi Inah's hand, in the hand that had always made her comfortable and safe. 

Bi Inah sculpted, not expecting this day to arrive, is his energy no longer needed by Asha? Though Bi Inah felt he had done nothing wrong. 

“A did I make a Non error? I promise I will fix, origin Non Asha do not drive me” Bi Inah sobbed. 

Asha shook her head slowly “This is proof of Asha's affection for Auntie, it's hard for Asha to release Bibi”

Asha also sobbed, his shadow returned to wander at times that had passed, where the Bi Inah family always sobbed when Bi Inah could not go home every time there was an important event in his village. 

“Asha promises, Asha will give monthly money to Aunt after Bibi comes home later, Asha will also make Bibi a small shop, also buy Bibi a piece of land for Bibi's business capital later, as well, Asha also promised to play often to Bibi” place 

Bi Inah could not help but cry, She continued to cry as much as she wanted, She knew Asha very well without many people knowing, but Bi Inah did not expect to consider her old age as well, honestly Bi Inah also missed her relatives, decades separated by distance and time, making Bi Inah lose many moments in her family. 

“Thank you so much Non” Bi Inah cried, when Asha also promised to give her a very high severance, very enough for Bi Inah's living costs for many years to come. 

“Thank you very much, has been the only person who was beside Asha, when Asha was down, Asha loved Bibi” 

Sometimes we forget. We can pay attention to people who are far out there, but we forget the sincere people who have been around us all along.