Khadija
they say I'm selfish!

BLUE POV

Choices. Life is always about choices, including how we choose to live our destiny. Then, the 4-year sentence was included as a choice. As long as it's the punishment I have to accept for a crime. Although everyone exclaimed that I was not entirely guilty, and suggested that I should immediately appeal, I chose to refuse and sincerely accept the punishment of the judge.

After a long night of contemplation and prayer, the answer remains the same. It would seem calmer if I get the punishment I deserve and live it, although it can be said that the punishment is not comparable to the loss of a loved one.

Regardless of the point of view of the legal glasses, the greater results of his presentation stated that it was appropriate for me to get parole. However, my choice still did not want me to change. All of this is my responsibility to the families of the abandoned victims. However, I was a man, had a wife and soon became a father, it was unfair to be happy with my family over the suffering of the Hendar family who lost the breadwinner.

Teng ... teng ... teng ... wake up! Wake up!

A loud sound came from the 2 iron blades that collided into the first sound I heard every morning. Before the sound of the dawn prayer rang, the warden first woke up the inmates including me. As usual, the residents were woken up at 04:40 to begin the activities that had been provided by the prison.

“Build! Which part of the picket do the task before going to the field!” said one of the guards.

Today, it's my turn to get the picket schedule. Cleaning the room around the block and mck inside, cleaning the room containing 1 single bed and 1 level bed that I occupy is not difficult. I occupy a cell with 2 other friends, each of them languishing in prison with a different case. Luckily my cellmate had no one to act out or was called a prison monster.

“What hope are we today?” tanya Wardi, one of the cell's friends.

“Hopefully not boiled eggs anymore, can-can the bathroom out the smell of sweat rotten corpse, later.” said Kang Nden, the oldest inmate among the three of us. We joked lightly while walking towards the washroom canteen.

Prangs!!

“You want to be Lo's hotshot here?!”

Just arriving at the cafeteria, we were greeted with the commotion that occurred on the spot. Senior-guided people always make noise by oppressing junior inmates. Usually, those who feel longer living in the cell behave as if they have a place. Whatever their request must be followed and followed. Grateful I was put with people who really make prisoners is a formation to change myself for the better.

“Who else is here who dares to go against my orders!” a burly prisoner snapped with tattoos covering all parts of his body.

“If any of you dare to fight me, your fate will be the same as her!” put a foot on the head of the prisoner who fell on the floor.

“Do not mind! Don't interfere to keep our lives safe here. We find a place to eat at the end,” said Kang Nden reminded. Actually do not have the heart to see those who are always the months of senior inmates. But true Kang Nden remark, it is better to keep yourself from getting involved in the commotion.

“Here, no more humanizing word of human. Empathy has been dead for a long time. It was better to be a stranger in order to finish the prison term well without having to deal with monsters like them. One of the conditions for us to get a remission is to behave well. So as much as possible we should not get involved with people like that.” continued Kang Nden.

“True. It's difficult actually, because we can't overtly avoid when passing in the field. Therefore it is better we take a different built activities with them.” said Wardi.

Yep. As they say, I must immediately complete my prison term in order to be reunited with my family immediately, and the condition must be good behavior and avoid black ink on the prisoner's notebook.

After breakfast, all the prisoners gathered in the field for gymnastics together. After that, continue with their respective activities. I myself just take spiritual activities and explore the potential by processing used goods into trinkets worth selling.

“Detention 3057, No guests!” call the warden who's in charge of overseeing the field.

Prisoner 3057 is my call on the lawn. Like this, we rarely know each other's names. The number on the shirt is the name for ourselves. Walking through the hallway, I went into the holding room, where Papa and Barid were already there. The family regularly visits every week, all alternating except Kha which I still forbid to come.

With a smile I shook my head steadily, “no, Pa, my decision is already round.”

“That justice is still there, Bi, if you want to fight. You have other strong evidence that can release you from here.” said Awan.

I still shook my head, no matter how hard the evidence was to get me out of here, murder was untenable.

“What's up, Pa, I'm fine.”

“What about your wife, Papa can't bear to see. So pregnant women alone are heavy, this is added there is no you beside him.”

“Because it's Blue to ask for help with Papa Mama to always take care, Kha. Blue really, really yes, Pa.”

“Just keep the ghost one is not a problem, papa is just worried about the same mental Kha. It could be in front of mom papa she can show if she is okay, but is Kha still okay if it's alone?”

A blamm!

Papa's sentence is like throwing a ball that hits right on target. Right too, I myself was always tormented as night fell, then what about Kha? It must be just as tormented. Let alone Kha's less open attitude towards others, I'm afraid Kha just hid the wound behind the word alright.

I turned to look at Barid who was looking at the sarcasm at me. Staring intently at those blackening eyes.

“Then, I tried to make Abang nikahin Kha because I thought Abang was more worthy of Kha. Continues now? Do you still think that you are worthy of Kha?! Selfish brother!”

“Rid!”

“Do I need to change position, Brother?”

“Barid!!” I snapped as I stood grabbing the collar of Barid's shirt. This time Barid was outrageous, he might have had the intention to take Kha from me.

“What!!! You used to talk about a man worthy of Kha! Keep on now what?!! You are not a husband! We desperately look for ways and evidence so that you can be free or at least ease the sentence, but you prefer to accept the judge's judgment that does not make sense without caring about the wife who is pregnant!” barid shouted right in front of my face.

“Barid, Blue, enough!!!”

“Barid, respect your brother's decision.” Papa said, I took off the grip of his collar, as well as Barid who threw my hand.

Barid looks tidied up his shirt, took a handbag and was about to leave the room, but before moving he looked at me again while clucking. “Don't worry, Kha will be fine, I make sure Kha will be happy even without Brother! Is that what you want?”

After saying that, Barid walked out of the Big Room by slamming the door. As my heart warms, I really don't feel jealous. I just feel like I've failed to be a husband, a loser who doesn't think about my wife's feelings.

Kha ....

The room bell reads the sign that the besuk time is over, Papa came home after handing over some pictures of Kha that were taken candidly. Satisfied to see it, I put the photo in my pocket and back into the cell.