Among the Million Love
Chapter 38. The Messy Life

Two years passed, without feeling like my life was going so-so. Everything I run is purely due to the duaniawi affair. I feel so far from my God, my parents, and the people who used to love me, I don't know where that went. Lately, my relationship with my parents has become very strained.

I no longer go home but rent an apartment that I have to pay for each year of my stay. Since the last proposal I rejected was from Baihaqi, my mother would no longer speak to me. I mean, my mom doesn't nag me anymore. Mama also no longer asked me to accept applications from the man you brought home, mama silenced me more.

"mama why don't you ever say Dysa again?" I asked when we were in the kitchen in the morning.

"Capek mama ngomelin you who never had the results." Mama cleaned her cooking equipment. The dish was served on the dining table, only the remaining cooking utensils with the remnants of fat and feces.

"Mama doesn't care about your life, Dysa. Seek and pursue your world as you please. Even if you consider that even dead mama is okay, indeed the role of mama in your life is no longer needed. Go, mama wants to see how you go on a night without mama." Mama's words were so painful to me.

I thought she said it because she was just angry at the time, but she wasn't. Mama seemed really tired, the more the day she kept quiet and there was no more warmth that I felt like I used to.

Mama let me, even I never asked by my mother why I came home late, when the day I did not go home even mama did not ask or nag me again. That's why I rented this apartment. It has been over a year since I lived separately from my parents.

Our communication is becoming less and less frequent. Maybe if papa hadn't called me, I wouldn't have known how the house was. I'm sorry that my house and my brothers don't seem to want to talk to me anymore. Even my mother never wanted to hear my voice when my father called me.

However, if only papa hadn't called me. Maybe I won't know how the latest news about mama who is no longer chatty, papa who says he misses me so much to return home.

Papa said if he was having trouble walking because he had just fallen from the stairs of his house, papa also said that the An-Nur foundation seemed to be almost closed, he said, and maybe I won't know if Kak Galih is in the news because of the rumored corruption of the company's money and has divorced his wife. Other news about sister Bisma who became a drug dealer and fled abroad and was also a police fugitive. However, the last phone call I received from papa was about half a year ago when the news broke.

I think my family's life is falling apart, which is why they no longer take care of my life. I feel like I am living a life now. No one cared for me, no one supported me. I felt like I was currently at a hollow point, my heart lifelessly empty.

When I go home from work, I get bored when I go straight to my apartment. I decided to stop by my parents' house that I hadn't visited in my childhood.

"Oh my God, why is it like this?" I was shocked when I saw the view of this wilderness-like courtyard.

The grass rises in certain parts even grow very high weeds, the floor is overgrown with shrubs. Really, this house is no longer maintained. From the front view, a house this big looks empty, spooky, and almost lifeless.

I knocked on the door of this house.

"May? Pa?" Mom and Dad did not answer.

"Mama, Papa?"

I pushed this door slowly, it wasn't locked. Open and a magnificent view. A large room was unfurnished, empty, and very dark.

"Mama?"

"Ma? Uh uh?" I called them.

"Well remember coming home, Dysa?" I heard the voice of a very clear woman and I recognized that voice. Mom's voice.

"Ma?" Turned my body, facing the stairs and mama came down from the second floor.

"Ma?" I was very surprised by my mom. In the middle of the darkness, the silhouette of the mother used a negligee with messy hair. Is that really mama?

Getting closer to me. Right, mama's wearing really shabby clothes. Daster used to wear in the morning, when preparing breakfast for our family.

"Mama?" I called my mom.

Mama is also decked out with messy hair and mostly white.

"Just remember the house, Dysa?" Ask mama. I'm sure something's not right in this house. How long have I been gone, until things get messed up like this?

Mama came closer to me, standing in front of me a woman I used to love so much. My mother who used to be very chatty and a mother who was able to liven up the atmosphere of the house. But now in front of me like a stranger I had never met before.

"Ma, where's papa?" my many.

Mama smiled widely and seemed very creepy in this dark room.

"Mama, what's wrong, Ma?" I asked as my mother continued to step closer to me, while our distance was only half a meter left.

"Mama, don't scare me. Where's papa?"

"Papa?! Pa?" I shouted as I continued to step back.

"Your father is dead." Mama said that made me feel sad.

"What, Ma?"

"Your father is dead, hear?!"

"You're the cause, you brat!" Mama screamed and without me knowing in the hand of my mother holding a kitchen knife that often used to cook first.

"Ma, what is this ma? Put the knife down, Ma." I asked when my mom put a knife in front of my face.

Mama even held my arm which made it difficult for me to move. "Mama don't be like this Ma. I'm Dysa, mama's boy. Conscious, Ma." I said, rewinding my steps.

"Yin!" Mama slashed the knife into my body and I managed to fend it off. At least it didn't hit my face, but my left arm was injured.

"Ohh! Mama! No, Ma! Please-please!" I screamed loudly for help.

"You're not my son, I don't have any children. My husband's dead, you know? Huh uh?!! You know my life's a mess, huh?"

Srett! The knife moved again, I counteracted my mother's hand and caused the knife to be thrown away. At that moment, I hurried to pick up the knife and scrambled with my mother. I ran out of the house to get help.

Mama was blind, I accidentally pushed the body of the mother who managed to pull my shirt, mama fell down and I ran while screaming for help.

"PLEASE! HELP U! HELP ME!" I screamed in the yard, behind me mama was still trying to get up and come back after me. Mama took a piece of rock that was thrown over her head and seemed to want to throw it at me.

I rushed into the car, picked up my phone and dialed the police station. "Disa! Dysa, where are you? Where are you!!!"

"Dysa, where are you! Where?!" Mom screaming in front of the gate. No one dared to approach, they whispered and turned their steps back.

My car is parked far enough away from the gate, so it's pretty safe. But it seemed like my mother still recognized my car, she approached with her quick steps and picked up the pebble on the road that she threw at my car.

Back I dialed the police station number, "Hello sir, I'm Dysa permission to report. Help me, Sir....."

The dug dug dug! Bugh bugh gugh.

Mama rolled around my car glass, "get out, Dysa!"

"out! Melu, kowe. Siki metu!"

"badung tenan ki. Sottled....."

Mama continued to speak haphazardly and used Javanese language that I did not understand, which was clearly her tone like swearing at me. Although I don't understand what you're saying, but clearly, your expression is filled with anger. Mama is very angry.

And the next second, my mom hit my windshield with a big piece of rock and broke my windshield. I spontaneously covered my face so that the broken glass would not hurt my face.

Wuing wuing. There were sirens of police patrol cars. Thankfully, the officers managed to secure my mother before a boulder landed on my car's glass for the second time.

It's not just the police coming. However, some time later the condition of the front of the house became very crowded because the citizens and social services who came. After a discussion with the police related service, we agreed to take Mama to a mental hospital under the supervision of social services. Although I felt sorry for my mother's condition, I could not bear to put my mother into a mental hospital. However, what power? I can't take care of my mother if she doesn't recognize me as her child. It's safer if you're under the supervision of experts. Forgive Dysa, Ma. Last time before Mom left, I peeped my head off. While the mother still thrashed want to be released.

After my mother had left with the police and social services, the neighbors came to me. "Mak Dysa isn't papa?" ask one of the people to me.

"No papa, ma'am."

"Here his hand is badly injured don't forget diobatin huh, to the hospital now huh?" Said those who were concerned to see my condition.

"Yes, Mom. If you may know, since when did you become like that, Mom?" I asked the neighbors. Strange, I'm his own son why did I ask someone else?

"It's been a while, Mom's like that. There was once a neighbor of ours who was bitten by a mother for no apparent reason, from then on we never contacted the mother again." Reply to one of several groups of mothers.

"Where is Dysa himself? Why not know the condition of the house? You died a few months ago, Dysa knows?"

I shook my head, I didn't even know Papa's death. I forget that I've never been on good terms with my neighbors because I used to hate those who often asked me "when to get married?" and other questions that cornered me.

It was my fault for never socializing with the neighbors.

"I had a stint out of town, had contact with Papa but not since six months." My alibi says work out of town. I am still in this city, just a different place to live.

"Oh, yes Papanya Mbak Dysa stroke because of falling repeatedly in his own home. The last time I visited, I couldn't move and talk. Until about two months later, Dysa's father was rumored to be dead."

I shut my mouth, squeezed it. How could I not know this news? What kind of child am I?

After that, the residents showed papa's final resting place. I'm heading straight there.

I sat down on the dry, arid ground of the tomb. I feel like a bad boy right now.

The tombstone that says papa's name. With tears flowing, there was only regret I felt. "Pa, why did papa go Pa? Dysa's sorry, Pa. Dysa apologizes to Papa, Dysa was wrong to leave the house. Dysa sinned with papa and mama."

I cried bitterly, my crying was obviously meaningless. It's all messed up and can't bring papa back to this world.

"Pa, sorry Dysa ya Pa."

I now think, how difficult it is for mama and papa to live life in the midst of the onslaught of trials that befall his children.

The news about Kak Galih, Kak Bisma, and myself that disappeared somewhere without them knowing where I was.

Mamah and Papa must have been devastated and had to go through those times alone, without her children, without me being next to them.

I sobbed, lamenting everything that had happened. Had I not left, I would have been able to take care of Papa as best I could. Bringing Papa treatment and possible recovery, but I always refuse if you ask me to come home or for a moment to visit home.

I was reminded of all my bad behavior due to my selfishness. I was made aware of the sins I had committed to my parents. I even felt outrageous when I wasn't next to papa when papa breathed his last.

"Why, Pa? Why is Papa staying with me? Why??!!!" I cried and cried in the middle of this funeral.

I who have been saying that life ssbatang kara, now happens by itself. I live without the presence of those closest to me, they actually leave me.

I'm alone with no more friends.