Dum Spiro, Spero
Snap
On the veranda of the house, Blue paced while continuing to bite the tip of his fingernails until thinning. After a long time, he again felt this anxious sensation. Anxious sensation that makes it difficult to breathe and his stomach feels heartburn.
It's been over an hour Baskara's gone with Lintang. This is an unnatural time if the man actually went to just drive the chatty girl home. The distance from the rented house to the Lintang house is only 15 to 20 minutes away. That is also if taken at medium speed. If you speed a little, of course it can be faster than that. With such an estimated travel time, it makes no sense if Baskara has not returned until now.
Oh, did something happen? Did Lintang's emotions finally explode, and the girl was in such a fidelity that Baskara had to try to calm down? Or maybe, Lintang even actually complained about their lies to the Father and Mother so that the two parents were preparing everything to expel him and Baskara from the rented house?
“Arghhh!!” Blue rattled her hair in frustration. As fast as lightning, he ran into the house, oddly looking for the motor key with the intention of following Baskara to the house Lintang. If the man is in trouble there, then he should come immediately to provide help, right?
The motor key has been obtained without the need to bother. Furthermore, Blue immediately darted out toward Vero in the parking lot. He was riding an iron horse. The helmet was also properly placed on his head. However, when he was about to turn the key and press the starter button, the sound of the gate being shifted made him turn around quickly.
His heart rate suddenly increased rapidly when he found Baskara appearing in a state of concern. His face was sad, his steps dragged like his feet had been given a heavy burden until it was difficult to move.
Hurry up, Blue jumps down from the top of the bike. The helmet on his head he was taken off, thrown so that it fell horribly on the ground.
His breathing was hunting, his heart was beating ever faster and a streak of sweat began to drench his face as he arrived before the lover. Without saying anything, he grabbed Baskara's body.
“Bi,” he heard the man wailing, but Blue decided not to reply. He still hugged his girlfriend's body. Real tight. It was as if this was the last chance to make the man stay.
“Honey,” call Baskara again. And once again, Blue still refused to answer. As much as possible he tried to normalize his heartbeat. Because to talk to Baskara, his condition must first be fine. So that they can think of the best way to deal with everything.
“Eleena Sabiru,” call that this time managed to make Blue release his embrace. Baskara looked at him quite deeply, while the man returned his gaze with eyes that were difficult to translate.
“Lintang—“
“Log in, get ready to go home.” Tell Baskara before the Blue speech is finished.
“Now?” ask Blue with an overbearing mind.
Baskara nodded, “Prepared now.” Deuteronomy.
Blue wanted to ask more, but when he saw the look on Baskara's face that still did not improve, he also undo the intention.
“Ya already, let's get ready.” He said, while linking fingers with the property of his lover.
They also entered the house. In silence. In a head condition that is equally noisy but agreed not to spend anything and choose the focus of getting ready for the trip home.
Two large suitcases immediately Blue dropped from the top of the closet in Baskara's room. Then one by one the clothes belonged to the man he put in a suitcase colored navy. Can't be neat, he just cramming them all. Origin in. Nothing was left in the closet.
While Baskara is in charge of handling heavier items. The container box he took out of the empty room near the bathroom. One by one the supporting furniture work he put in a container box by making sure the arrangement will not be troublesome when he has to dismantle it later.
It took them almost an hour and a half until they were done with all the preparations. Two large suitcases and a few container boxes are neatly arranged in the living room, ready to be transported when their rental car arrives later.
Yes, instead of a plane or bus, they chose to go home to Jakarta by renting two cars. One sedan for them to ride, another box car to transport their goods safely.
“Depart what time?” ask Blue while offering a glass of water.
Baskara received it, “Jam 4 dawn.” The answer, then downing the water of the Blue gift to the toilet.
“Lintang...” Blue seemed to hesitate. A row of sentences he had prepared, but only ended up hanging at the end of the throat.
He wanted to know whether the affair with Latitude ended well or not. Whether the girl has accepted the apology they say or just insists on no longer connecting with them like they never knew each other. But somehow, it was hard to ask Baskara clearly.
And Baskara did not want to explain. Instead of trying to help Blue understand the situation, the man handed him an empty glass and said, “Cookies made by you this morning can be entered into the jar? I'd like to take it to Jakarta.”
Blue understood very well that it was a diversion, so he followed Baskara's wishes by nodding his head. “Gue ready first. What else do you want nawa?” tanyakanya.
Blue also smiled, then passed carrying an empty glass to the kitchen.
After Blue died, Baskara again used his time to reflect. Their return to Jakarta should not be this fast. There are still a few weeks until everything is ready. He had rented a house for them to live in Jakarta. Currently, the house is in the process of renovation and can only be lived in a few weeks. But since the situation had become this way, he had no choice but to quickly leave.
“Yeah, faster better.” Mumbled. Then the vibration emerging from his pants pocket distracted him.
One message came from Blue. It seemed, the girl had finished putting all her order cookies into the jar.
When I'm done, take me to my room. I want to hug. The sound of the message.
Baskara also according. He moved his foot towards the Blue Room. A warm hug that comes from someone we love is the most powerful to be a medicine when the mood is chaotic like this. There had been many places he had gone, but Blue's embrace was still always the most comfortable place for him to let down all the tired.
The knock was thrown twice, and after the owner turned from the inside, then Baskara grabbed the doorknob and then turned it until the door was open.
On the bed, Blue sat cross-legged. Both arms are wide. The corners of his lips were raised forming a line of soothing thin smiles.
“Here, come to Mommy.” Say the girl.
Baskara chuckled softly to Blue calling herself ‘Mommy’, but her legs kept moving closer to receive the embrace she was happy with.
“You’re doing great, Baby. Not everything can go smoothly according to plan, it's okay, it does not make you so fail really. Lo remains great because it has been willing to survive until now. I am proud of lo.” A sedative sentence that always made Baskara believe that he had done enough.
Inside Blue's embrace, the man completely let go of everything. All burdens, pain, regret. He put it all down, building a promise to be born again for the better once they swung away from this rented house. He'll leave everything here. Abhimanyu, Anindia, all the pretenses they brought. He will return to Jakarta as the new Pramudya Baskara, who is ready to face the fact that his life was never okay from the start.
“Thank you for always being faithful beside me, Bi. I love you so much,” whispered. Then his eyes closed. He let his consciousness disappear. Sleeping for a while is not a bad idea. Who knows, after waking up, he has more energy.
...****************...
Locking yourself in the room becomes a mainstay to avoid questions from Father and Mother. He was lucky because last afternoon Father and Mother were not at home. His housekeeper was going out of nowhere and the gardener on guard was busy mowing down the weeds that grew disturbing Mother's expensive flower collection. So, he could sneak into the room without being held in a look of astonishment and dizzying questions.
Maybe, he'll lock himself up until tomorrow morning. Until at least he was sure his face had disappeared and his voice was clear as before. And to support his efforts, Lintang deliberately turned off his phone. The smart thing he stored in the nightstand drawer and he prefers to re-read the collection of books that he had not touched so busy college.
One book titled ‘Under The Rain’ he picked up from a small shelf in the corner of a room near a window. Light blue cover with the illustration of a girl under the bright red umbrella and she took it to a reading chair in another corner. The first sheet was opened, and he was treated to a sentence that unfortunately even made him grimace.
It reads, “We are two people who are swayed on the path of destiny. Still stubborn to stay even though the universe has signaled that we will not be able to be with”.
Miris. Even the book he was about to read seemed to support his current mood.
“Lack of Dawn,” of her wrath.
At the end of the day, the book was not so he read it. Even lying helplessly on his lap while he again tried hard not to cry anymore.
“Do not cry anymore, stupid!” hardship to yourself. The more she cried, the longer she had to shut herself up.
But, no matter how hard you try, Latitude still fails as well. He cried again, this time louder and more pathetic sounding.
Who would have thought it would hurt like this? Even if time had passed, he would probably still continue to cry when he remembered this moment again.
“Lintang should be how now?” he said, and of course, no one can give the answer. Only time would bring that cry to slowly subside. Only time will bring everything to pass, although his memories will still occasionally come and make him feel pain again.
Seriate....
