Treasure, Throne, Renata
Heart of Rania Story

The kick of this pair of tiny legs on my stomach is getting stronger and stronger. I always missed her movements, the pain in my stomach because my fetus twisted her body was countless. My breath was already panting, my stomach was getting heavy, and this tiredness was already overwhelming. Not tired because of my weight alone, but this mind increasingly implies anxiety.

Ray always paced to Bandung almost every week, I have rarely met him for one month. Ray said there were some side projects he failed to do because of something. There is a stalled bill and I don't know when it will be paid. Ray's salary at RENTZ has not been able to cover our monthly needs. Home installments, car installments and children's school fees. Ray's getting busy looking for a side, all the projects he's hit.

This month I haven't paid my son's SPP, haven't controlled my gynecological condition, and a number of other bills. My gestational age has reached 37 weeks. It's time I control it once every 1 week. I've missed the child in my womb, I want to hold it, watch it be born into the world. However, at the cost of giving birth, we do not have.

O God, strengthen me in the face of all Your trials, strengthen my husband so that he can complete all his work. Make him weary, be Thou art O God. I couldn't see his wrinkled face every time I got home, I held his hand, I massaged his shoulder but it was all in vain. He could no longer treat all his life's difficulties.

Ray has changed since he became busy with his work. No more massage before going to bed when my feet are swollen. There are no more jokes that he often throws when we chat. No more warm hugs and kisses on the forehead every morning. All that was left was a cold gaze and short words every time he came and went back. My mind wants to scream, I can't figure out who this guy is. He is not my husband as I know him. Though we had difficulties like this before, Ray was still patient and we strengthened each other.

Today is Wednesday, Ray has been in Bandung since last week. He said he'd be home tonight, as usual I'm patiently waiting. Last afternoon I had cooked his favorite fried chicken and vegetable, who knows he came home early and could have dinner. The clock shows at 23:00 WIB, I think it's too late for dinner.

I went down into my kitchen, put some chicken back in the container. I put the vegetables and chicken pieces in the fridge so I can warm them up tomorrow morning. I walked with shuffled steps into the living room. I dropped my body on the sofa, I fell silent while staring at the unlit TV screen. Silent, quiet, without a sound, there was only the rhythmic beat of the wall clock. I leaned my back while closing my eyes, my tears dripping down my cheeks. As I sobbed I said the name of my Lord. God, I don't know where my husband is, please take care of him from head to toe.

“Mam...mamaaaaa..” little cry of my son woke me up. I fell asleep in the living room. I immediately went up to the room where my son and I were. It turned out that my son had been standing in front of the door while standing withstanding the drowsiness.

“ What is kica, how to wake up son?” I asked while holding the ladder.

“ Papa has not come home yet mam?”, he asked innocently while rubbing his eyes.

“ Not yet dear, maybe on the road jammed. Kica bobo aja yes, tomorrow morning meet papa kok”, entertain me while taking my son to sleep again.

“ I want to sleep in the room mama aja, want to sleep with mama and papa”, he asked in a pleading tone. Then Kila my son woke up. He sat on his bed and stared at the wonder why we were standing at the door.

“ Mam, Kica where are you going?”, he asked like half unconscious.

“ Kica want to sleep in mama's room, you want to sleep in mama's room too?’, I ask my eldest son who is sleepy.

Kila did not answer but her head nodded. The two of them walked with their steps towards my room. They immediately put her body in my bed. I covered them while I kissed her on her forehead. Like my children, they miss their papa very much too.

I looked back at my phone, it was one in the morning and there was no message or phone. I called Ray but the phone's dead. My worry is getting worse. But what I can do, I can only wait. Maybe take a nap while my anxiety goes away, while waiting for Ray to come home.

02.30 WIB

Bruukkk…

I was surprised Ray slept so easily without waking me. The clock shows at 2 am, then he enters the room and sleeps without stale. Anxiety after days of resisting longing is reciprocated with his cold attitude. My emotions are no longer held back, the tears that I had been holding back so as not to drip have now poured out profusely. I got up from the bed and walked out of the room slamming the door.

BRAAAAKKKKK!!!

I cried in my children's room. I can't take it anymore. Economic difficulties I have always faced with sincerity, but Ray's treatment of me I can't stand it anymore. My son's bedroom door opened, and Ray opened the door with a sharp eye on me. A sharp look that's not like my husband.

“ What's up? Husband go home you even slam the door!!” ask her with a fierce tone to me.

“ You are why!!! I have a wife who is pregnant, restless, stupid husband no news, no juntrungannya”, I replied while still sobbing.

“ loh, you know myself I'm looking for money for you too, for children, make this house. Masa is still asked again “, he replied while standing in front of me.

“ you can send WA, call or something. I'm waiting for you, waiting for your news. Afraid of you why-not again on the road “, I replied while half screaming.

“ Batre hp by abis, I'm tired. I could go home until it was good. Sampe house instead of welcome even dales equally rich face gini “, he exclaimed no less fierce.

“ Just her husband work outside, meet once a month still can video call the wife. This is you who can't stay in Bandung for a week. Just call or WA just not more Ray!!!”

Ray glared as he sat beside me. I was crying all over, my hand holding my stomach that was already strained by emotion. Ray did not heed my cries, he continued to speak while pointing at me.

“ You know, for the sake of making you happy I owe 200 million. Now I'm being billed left-right to exchange investors' money. Many projects that can not be completed and I was chased by the client”

“ You should know how a wife behaves when her husband is down. Put aside your ego. Try feeding your husband's ego. The man needs to be appreciated, needs to be appreciated all his efforts”, he exclaimed while pointing his chest with an emotional tone.

I could no longer cry, my stomach was strained by stress. My fetus is kicking uncomfortable, my heart also feels painless. It's free to argue with Ray. Never mind arguing, just making a sound is already difficult with a stomach that has been this big. I can only sob.

Ray saw me crying. He finally saw me who was helpless again. He realized that the fetus in my stomach would feel what I felt. Ray just pulled my hand, trying to get me to sleep in the room.

“ If you do not want to sleep with me, you sleep in the same room of the children. let me who sleep here calm down”, he said slowly while taking me to the room.

I walked by Ray. My head was twitching because I was too tired to cry while holding back my emotions. I'm limp, maybe if Ray doesn't get me, I can't walk. I held her hand, even though I wouldn't touch her anymore.