The Beginning of a Famous Writer
Spelled

The answer I hate the most, I have to say.

"Where's Ndri, graduating?"

Ask one of my friends.

I limply shook my head, without giving any explanation.

"Patient, perhaps not yet his sustenance, perhaps God is preparing another sustenance for you" said my friend comforting and strengthening this heart.

While in the back of the room there is a friend congratulating a friend of a friend who graduated.

Not hypocritical nor shirk, but honestly my heart is so dissolved in this sadness. It doesn't feel like this position.

I feel as if it is no longer appropriate to stand here, feel inferior myself, even I feel unworthy to hold the status of a teacher.

Because the results are not in line with what I expected.

To not make the heart dissolve too long in this atmosphere, I try to avoid friends.

I was more alone and busied myself with whatever activities I could do.

Sometimes when my teaching hours are empty I take advantage and always busy myself, even though it is just surfing in cyberspace I do, so that I no longer see something that can make this heart sad.

I remember a few years ago.

In the past when I was in school, I never thought and wanted to be a person who relied on the hope of success to become a civil servant.

Let alone for that, to become a scholar never crossed my mind. Because I know myself so well. I who grew up not with the sweat of my own parents make me not demand much. Can get education to the upper middle level, already very grateful.

Many people are raised by their own parents, let alone to get to the level of high school, not infrequently many drop out of school in the middle of the road.

Therefore, there is not much hope for me to get the status as a student.

I intend to finish high school, I want to wander, because at that time many people in my village who migrated to the city of X, and almost entirely successful there proved he always sent his parents with a nominal money large enough.

I was still in High School, tempted to go there, after I graduated from school later.

I want to be able to have my own money as soon as possible, the result of my own sweat, so that I can help and repay the people who have contributed to my life all this time, and also to make the parents and themselves happy, because it is not hypocritical, so far many desires that I neatly buried in the heart.

Yes indeed, all this time I have more desire desire to get and have something. Not because my grandmother and grandfather were stingy or unable to fulfill it.

But because I know myself enough. I think from my childhood I've been hanging my life to them all this time. For that as much as possible I help them not spend a lot of money on things that are not too needed. Enough is necessary and urgent.

I will only express my intentions if what I want is a mandatory demand for the continuity of school. And I will keep neatly desires that are only limited to desires as a complement in this life.

Including clothes I never expected much, did not even rule out the possibility I often wear clothes that have been unused again by other brothers.

Even I was once said to be careless by my grandmother's distant nephew who at that time he returned to the village. I had only met him for the first time, he was smaller than me for a few years, because he was born from a person who was so easily judged and demeaned others.

I was holding a mat to prepare for breaking together. He who was standing in the doorway of the room, maybe because he saw my appearance was not as clean and dandy as he who used clothes with a fairly expensive price.

"Mama..it's a gem, huh? How are you in this house, then,? Say it without feeling guilty.

I who was busy with activities, heard his words, immediately I swept around with this look looking for who he said was deflated. But I did not find anyone like he said except there was only me here who did not look like them.

"Shhh.." said his mother while putting her index finger in front of his lips.

"That's my grandmother's granddaughter who owns this house" he continued.

As soon as I realized, it turned out that I was the one he called a scumbag.

But I still finished my activity to roll out the mat, after all the mats covered the floor, I passed to the room and locked myself there.

I immediately stood in front of the mirror, taking this self-care. I was wearing a T-shirt top and subordinate to a knee-length skirt. That's how I look until someone judges that I'm a bully.

I wipe away the tears that wet this cheek.

I don't deserve to shed tears for this humiliation. But I had plenty of opportunities to prove that I wasn't as low as he said. I am more determined to hold onto success later.

The time I was waiting for finally arrived.

But my desire to immediately work and have my own income, as if it will be delayed, because when I graduated high school, my brother told me to continue my education to a higher level.

Because I have arranged a plan to work, I politely expressed my intention, to no longer continue education with student status.

I told you what my next step was after school, but my brother's brother didn't accept any reason.

They were angry because I said I was going to go to X. I did not expect them to be angry, he said at that time, if I still did not want to continue my education and chose to migrate to the city of X, so they would not want to be responsible for me anymore. What happened to me after this, they don't want to know anymore. So angry are they with my wish.

I was worried at that time, between wanting to immediately earn my own income and return the favor, but on the one hand I also did not want to oppose people who were like my own biological parents. I want to be devoted to them.

Finally, with a heavy heart and forced clarity, so that I do not make them disappointed I accept their decision that requires me to go to college.

My daydream was awakened by the sound of a bell, a sign of the changing hours of study.

I was ready to get into class.

***

School hours are over, as usual me and Rey picked up husband.

My husband was waiting in front. He told me via whatsapp.

Soon I went out, and found my husband in front, but this time my husband looked gloomy and like something was going on with him.